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Jan. 13th, 2013

two girls

All Along I believed

Dear Morgan,
What am I even doing back here. Again.

I don't know.

The usual, messing up. Being a loser...Missing the way things use to be.

Why do I always lose friends? No...Not friends...People I love. I hate it. It breaks my heart. And everyone wonders why I just want to go away. I wish....I wish I could start over. Clean slate, no memories, no idea who I am. Just...Megan. That sweet, innocent little girl who had no idea how much the world hurt.

You know, before seventh grade.

Because that is when it started going wrong. That's when I made all the wrong choices.

And I just...I want to make one right choice. Just one. That's all I need.
I just...I don't know what it is. I don't know how to make it. That scares me. That I don't know what the right choice is anymore. I swear I used to but over the years...I lost sight of it and have forgotten.

What do I do? Can you tell me? Just once tell me how I can fix everything?

Maybe...Maybe I'll build a time machine and go back and just...stop my parents from getting together and having me. So many more people would be happy if I wasn't here. I'd be happy if I wasn't here.

Look at me go, being a total loser again. I'm sorry. I'm so glad you're not going to see these. 

Sorry. Ignore me. I'm just going to shut off my computer, turn off my lights and go to bed.

I'll feel better in the morning and all of this will have been a dream to forget.

See ya on the flip side,
Meg.

Nov. 13th, 2012

two girls

(no subject)

Dear Morgan,

It's been six months since I last wrote in here. And look at this, I tried posting my secrets somewhere else, sharing them with someone else and that really didn't work out. So here I am, writing here again. I have figured out that when I leave Minnesota I will give you a letter with just the url of this blog. You will get to read everything I have been keeping from you.

Everything.

Including how much I love you, no matter you gender/sex/what have you. No matter how you look or sound or what anyone else says or thinks of you. I love you.

But that isn't what this post is about. Or at least...not quite...

I don't even know what this is about. It's been a while since we last saw each other and really got to hang out. Not with like a huge crowd of people but just you and me. Maybe Lindsey too. Though I'll be honest seeing you two together kills me a little inside. You guys are both so sweet and lovely...well, I can't ruin that.

I don't even know what I am doing...

hiding I guess.

Sorry.

Meg.

Oct. 14th, 2011

two girls

Love from the view of a 19-year-old girl who is hopelessly in love with the idea of love

Love is...
Walking empty streets at two am, talking and holding hands.
Snuggling up under a blanket, fully clothed on a windy night in fall.
Playing childhood games and thinking nothing of it.
Watching silly movies together but not really paying any attention.
Watching silly movies together and quoting your favorite scenes. Word for word.
Walking through a park and kicking up the leaves.
Sipping hot chocolate under an overhang while it rains.
Building snow forts and having snow ball fights.
Making snow angels.
Quoting cheesy romantic lines to each other and laughing at how silly you sound.
A date.
A shoulder rub after a long day. Or week.
Finding that one song that fits the both of you perfectly.
Having a fashion show for each other at the mall. Knowing you can't buy a single thing you try on.
Seeing a little thing at a dollar store and getting it because it reminds you of them.
Stealing glances when you are in a group of friends and don't want to be -too- romantic.
Sitting in their hoodie when you're shivering in the wind.
Forgetting the things that drive you a little crazy because you would much rather enjoy all their good things.
Wishing you could text them every minute when you've locked yourself away to study.
Learning to say I love you in their favorite language.
Teaching them something fun they don't know.
Finding out about them.
Gentle touches to remind them you're there.
Spending a minute of your busiest time to think about them. And relax just a little because of it.
Knowing that when you get home, you can talk to them about your day. Good or bad.
Knowing even if they judge you, they obviously don't find you wanting. Because they are still with you.
Knowing that you can lean on them when you need to, and let them lean on you.

.....more to come later...
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Oct. 3rd, 2011

two girls

That time of the year already?!

Dear Megan
It's October, you know what that means! Time to start working on costumes. Which means, I actually need to pick out my list for 2012 convention season. But before that comes one VERY important costuming date.

HALLOWEEN!
And the costume is -- Kissogram Amy (Doctor Who 5.01/Season 5 Holiday special)

Marscon - March 9 - 11, 2012, Bloomington MN
Kissogram Amy (Doctor Who 5.01/Season 5 Holiday special)
Blondie (Sucker Punch)
Teddy Lupin (Harry Potter)

Anime Detour - March 30 - April 1, 2012, Bloomington, MN
Amy Pond (Doctor Who 6.13)
White (Pokemon Black/White)
Rika/Ruki (Digimon Season3)

CONvergence - July 5th - 8th 2012, Bloomington, MN
Lady Alanna (Song of the Lioness)
Page Kel (Protector of the Small)
Beka Cooper (Beka Cooper)
Amy Pond (Doctor Who Unknown outfit)

Once I get those done (As well as the ones for my Boyfriend and friends) then I will work on other costumes, seeing which ones I can have done. I may go to other cons next year but I don't know yet. It depends on school and job.

Love Elspeth